Success and the Empty Cup

When it comes to fulfillment, success is a tricky target. The primary problem is that success is a moving target. As my Great Uncle wisely told me, success is like an upside down funnel.  As you move up relative to your goal, you can only see up and you lose appreciation for what you have achieved. What he meant was that your current level of achievement has normalized as your new baseline, you are no longer excited by it, and thus, your comparison group changes.  You are now comparing your achievements to the next imagined echelon of successful outcomes.

I often ask leaders to imagine that as children, a reliable crystal ball assured them that when they grow up they will run a company, have a large investment portfolio, plenty of money, and all of the stereotypical traditional measures of success. They respond that they would probably have the belief “then I would be very happy”.  

When asked about current thoughts and feelings, leaders often describe their baseline feeling states as “burned-out”. Thoughts are focused on climbing the next hill and are accompanied by feelings of stress and anxiety. In these moments I sometimes say, “You have a hole in your cup”. Achievement has not led to contentment. When asked to expand, as you might already be thinking, the metaphor explains why continued success doesn’t create fulfillment. Because of the hole in the cup, no matter what is achieved, success-addicts are perpetually starting from an empty cup, with zero achievement recognized.

Psychological Core Strength® goes beyond typical leadership skills and moves into fulfillment and resilience. My clients are taught to catch any distortions that exist in relation to traditional notions of success. Part of success and fulfillment is creating space to objectively recognize and honor your successes, while recognizing that they are just one part of your story.