Stop Targeting Positive Thoughts and Start Focusing on Behavior
Psychological Core StrengthⓇ Series
Very capable people often decline to pursue their dreams based on the seriousness with which they treat automatic, doubt-related thoughts. Your relationship to thinking is crucial, because those who inflate the credibility of unwanted negative thoughts often use them to justify inaction. As an example, consider the thought “I can’t start a business because I’m not a natural leader”.
This thought reflects an “all or nothing” distorted belief. It discounts the leadership development efforts of many successful entrepreneurs who have cultivated necessary leadership skills for their businesses to thrive. This particular distorted belief suggests that leadership abilities are solely genetic, that there’s only one way to lead, and that leadership skills cannot improve through training. Pop-psychology coaches might advise repeating affirmations like “I’m a great leader and I will manifest success through positive thinking”. However, the anxious mind often counters such thoughts, sparking a futile ping pong match of noisy thought content. It‘s unnecessary to place automatic negative thoughts on a pedestal of importance.
Doubtful thoughts pose less of a problem for those who view thoughts as neutral rather than inherently good or bad. Thoughts are ideas and sentences, often generated automatically. Instead of trying to control thoughts, we can compassionately accept the impermanent feelings that any particular thought brings up for us, and pivot toward behaviors that align with our goals.
Exploring unwanted thoughts is often a way of avoiding anxiety and evading productive action. Conversely, fostering a healthy relationship with thinking involves recognizing unhelpful "reason giving." Start by noticing attempts to justify avoiding beneficial behaviors such as giving an employee feedback, exercising while tired, or cooking instead of ordering out. Commit to the behavior aligned with your best interests, as opposed to what feels easiest.
Consider how you might proceed differently if you didn’t overanalyze thoughts and continued toward your North Star in those situations. Consider the best-case outcomes and the actions you would take if you gave everyone the benefit of the doubt. How would things change if you accepted all thoughts as fleeting and acted according to your values, regardless of their content? Rather than using reason-giving thoughts to evade worthwhile behaviors, label unhelpful thoughts as irrelevant noise.
Given the topic, it’s important to note the damage done by popular pop-psychology scams that suggest thinking specific thoughts alone can manifest outcomes without impacting behavior. Psychological research shows that attempting to control or avoid thoughts doesn’t work; in fact, trying to suppress thoughts can increase anxiety. There’s no evidence that specific thoughts emit magical or scientific waves.
The problem with thought control is that attempting to avoid a negative thought leads to thinking about it more. For example, try not to think of a red boat right now. You likely imagined one despite the instruction not to. Now imagine the behavioral impact of believing that you can only achieve your goals if you don't think of specific thoughts.
That being said, when thoughts increase helpful behavior, by all means, start the day with whatever thoughts you credit for encouraging action. If you’d like, you can also test the hypothesis that “good” thoughts are required to achieve goals. I often joke that we can all experiment with consistently engaging in daily strenuous strength training, while eating a super clean, low calorie, protein and veggie rich diet, while also repeating the thought “I’m gaining body fat right now”. You can repeat this thought throughout the strict adherence to healthy behavioral routines and measure the impact of that specific thought on the desired outcome.
Some struggle to distinguish between problem-solving and cycles of negative thinking, or what's known as “rumination”. Rumination typically presents with feelings of anxiety. During rumination, the mind obsessively asks how, what, where, when, and why questions about uncertain topics, leading to unproductive, time-consuming thinking. Rumination occurs by exploring, debating, and trying to reassure ourselves, in the hope of gaining a feeling of certainty and safety. During the process, we waste time answering a myriad of unhelpful, unanswerable spin-off questions.
Unfortunately, untrained coaches and therapists can exacerbate rumination by aimlessly exploring irrelevant worries. This unhelpful coaching, or co-rumination, emphasizes the importance of addressing relevant mechanisms with evidence-based interventions. To cope with persistent, distracting thoughts, accept that many anxiety-driven questions lack definitive answers. When caught in rumination, take a deep breath, practice self-compassion, and shift to pre-determined strategic behaviors that move you forward.
To distinguish helpful problem-solving from unhelpful rumination, ask:
Are these thoughts about an answerable question?
Is this process leading to a useful plan in the next 48 hours?
Is this thought about new and realistic content or is it related to old patterns, core fears, and personal insecurities?
If the answer to any of these questions is no, label the thoughts as unhelpful rumination and work toward disengaging. Refuse to answer worry-inducing questions during these times. For example, tell yourself, “uncertainty is a part of life, and agreeing to mental ping pong on this topic will waste my time, will not lead to certainty, and will make me feel worse”.
If bothersome thoughts persist, cultivate a realistic and productive approach to handling such annoyances. For instance, I'm currently writing this post in a coffee shop with a jackhammer pounding outside. Despite the distraction, focusing on your actions rather than your thoughts is key to achieving your goals.
Your moment is now. Get to it! - PsystrongⓇ